catholicsphere

Yesterday, I mentioned that there was an appreciation dinner at my parish for youth ministry volunteers. There was some good conversation that might be of interest to parents, especially regarding teens, dating, chastity, making good decisions and helping your kids through all that.

At the table my wife and I were seated at, we all were talking and reflecting on the year of formation for Confirmation that we, as volunteers, had just completed with the kids. One of the things that came up was a “Chastity Night” that was part of our second year formation curriculum. There was a bit of discussion about that specifically before the conversations turned a bit to teens and dating.

I made mention of my blog entry on raising kids to be able to make good decisions in dating and courtship, and how this is a process that doesn’t start when they get to their teen years, but rather much earlier. That sparked a whole lot of discussion.

Others at my table had at least one or two kids who were already in their mid-teens, so they spoke from experience about how their kids were handling things.

The thing I’ve been most struck by is the fact that those who appeared to be most successful were those who had children that were more concerned with doing the right thing than with being accepted and in the “in-crowd”. Which is precisely what I’m talking about.

Of the parents at the table, all of them agreed that open and honest communication was the key to a successful relationship with teens. Although sometimes point-blank in style, they said that they didn’t always tell their kids everything. For instance, kids seem to inevitably ask “Did you wait til marriage to have sex?” These parents found ways to answer the question without answering it — perhaps because most of them did not, but did not want to come out and tell their children that. In truth, kids asking this question is good, because it usually means that they care what you think and know. Kids will know that you did or didn’t wait by how, not what, you answer the question, so it’s important to convey your thoughts and feelings surrounding it when you do answer.

My own answer to the question at this point in my life is about giving to my wife at least one thing that I have not shared with anyone else; something that makes our relationship special above and beyond any others either of us may have had.

It may not be the answer that keeps kids from having sex, but get them thinking and pondering on it, and they just might surprise you and buck the trend in our society of having sex before marriage.

[tags]marriage, teens, sex, dating, courtship, chastity, parenting, faith, relationship, family, catholic, catholicsphere[/tags]