catholicsphere

Get-togethers can bring topics of all kinds up … and, as you could have guessed, this 4th of July was no exception. Here’s a smattering of the discussions, and my opinions, shared this past 4th…

Youth Ministry
Not much of a discussion here, but I announced that kids don’t like the “bait and switch” that happens in some youth ministry today. I define “bait and switch” as the “lure’em in with pop culture items, and then give’em the gospel message”.

My sister-in-law raised the issue about some youth ministries having special youth worship services or Masses, separate from the rest of the parish/church membership. [Please pardon the generic language as I think this is true of Catholic and non-Catholic churches, so I want to remain relevant.] My problem with this is that I think it is a contributor to these kids falling away in college, once they reach a time to leave behind the “youth worship” to move to adulthood. They emerge from their “cocoon” into a church world that they do not recognize. Have special times for these kids, but Sunday worship times/Mass should be as a family, in a regular/normal setting.

And, of course, this isn’t limited to youth ministry … it can also be said for those “Contemporary Worship Services” that some churches are using to draw people to themselves. They have separate “traditional” and “contemporary” services. It has the tendency to create two separate congregations, which probably wouldn’t be comfortable in each other’s service.

Daycare on days off
A story was told of a friend who dropped her child off at daycare Monday (for the whole day!), despite having the day off work. She then proceeded to go home, watch television, nap, and then do a little shopping at the local mall. I couldn’t understand how someone could do this; why they wouldn’t want to spend time with their child on their day off. It was said that “[the child] loves to be there”.

Not being able to resist the urge to generalize, I piped up: “Of course the kid likes it at daycare, she gets the attention of the teacher, who does activities, etc with the kid. More than she probably gets at home, based on the fact that her mom chose to drop her at daycare, rather than be with her on her day off.”

I really believe this. I think there are more than a few “daycare parents” out there who send their kids off to be raised by the daycare workers. It contributes to what I believe is a growing problem in the U.S… namely, families with a lack of identity, on idealistic, social, moral and spiritual grounds. This “neutrality” is being perpetrated on our children in elementary and secondary schools too. Many have seen the cure or antidote to such being homeschooling or private, religious education.

Knowing who you’re going to marry
The previous conversation flowed into this one, because the friend is a “married-single parent”. [Definition: "Married-single parent" is someone who is married, but who's spouse is not involved with the children.] I attributed what I have seen as a situation that is growing in prevalence to people not really taking the time to really know the person they are going to marry. Especially in a day and age when the emphasis is more on “sexual compatibility” than other things, finding out who a person is has been lost. When they get married, people find that their spouse is not the person they thought he/she was — on a variety of levels. Besides the person who is abusive, there are those who are controlling, lazy, selfish, etc.

People need to take the time to get to know what the perspective spouse is like, what his/her views are on family, money, work, education, etc — not just sex. Instead of putting “humor” at the top of the list of desired traits, perhaps communication ability should be there instead, since ability to properly communicate seems to be a problem among couples who didn’t know each other, and who experience the highest levels of depression with their spouse.

Alas, there are other items that came up, but these are a few that I thought were worth sharing. Feel free to comment on these points, or add ones of your own experience in the comboxes.

[tags]conversation, youth ministry, marriage, daycare, communication, spouse, children, family, holiday, gathering, catholic, church[/tags]